Stupid Story 04-30-06

Person #1: How long did it take?
Person #2: 2 Hours and 75 minutes.
Person #1: ...umm...yeah.... how long is that?
Person #2: Almost 3 hours.

Stupid Story 04-30-06

Person #1: What is 32+32?
Person #2: 74
Person #1: Oh, ever so close...

Stupid Story 04-27-06

Person #1 (putting away dishes): Where does this bowl go?
Person #2: You don't know where that bowl goes?!?
Person #1: No, you moved stuff around.
Person #2: It goes in the same place it's gone for two years now. It just doesn't go where you want it to go.

Stupid Story 04-19-06

Person #1: Driving to Mexico is far. That's like driving to the other side of the world. That's where California is.

Stupid Story 04-13-06

Person #1: I'm pretty sure the average time for sex is 7 minutes.
Person #2: 7 mins is def not long enough. Anything less than an hour isn't good.
Person #3: Does that include dinner and the drive home?

Stupid Story 04-09-06

Person #1: I had left my tripod in the car, so I had to go back and get it.
Person #2: I haven't used a tripod since Geography class.
Person #1: ...Blank Stare...
Person #2: C'mon... then what did we use in Geography class?
Person #1 ... a map...
Person #2: No, stop. We used a tripod didn't we?
Person #1: No, Geography used a map. Your thinking of Geometry.
Person #2: Yeah, Geometry! What's that thing we used?
Person #1: This is so going on the website... you do realize that... right?
Person #2: Stop making fun of me and help me! What was that thing called?
Person #1: It was a Protractor. Not a Tripod. One measures angles, the other holds a camera. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
Person #2: No breakfast for you. Your mean.

Stupid Story 04-08-06

I don't normally notice this kinda stuff, but this weeks episode of Smallville was so filled with problems, it was hard NOT to notice:

Lana uses her Student ID to get into the Medical lab after hours. Not only would I doubt her History Major ID would let her into the Med Lab After Hours, but when she used the ID card, she was holding onto the black strip using it backwards.

Mid-Day, Clark is wearing a red jacket with a blue shirt. A few hours later, he is wearing a blue jacket with a red shirt. A few minutes later, he has on a blue jacket with a blue shirt. Lastly, a few days later, he is wearing the same blue jacket and same blue shirt.

Honestly, I don't think they are even trying anymore....

New WebSite is Coming!

The new website is just moments away! It's Freakin' Awesome! Keep hitting the Refresh button and be the first to see it! Yup... any second now.....

Stupid Picture 04-05-06

This just goes to prove that you can patent anything, and that we are willing to sue anyone over anything. This has to be one of the most assinine things I have heard all year.

Netflix on Tuesday sued rival Blockbuster for patent infringement, asking a federal judge in Northern California to shut down Blockbuster's 18-month-old online rental service and award Netflix damages, according to a copy of the filing.

Netflix, which was founded in 1999, holds two U.S. patents for its business methodology, which calls for subscribers to pay a monthly fee to select and rent DVDs from the company's Web site and to maintain a list of titles telling Netflix in which order to ship the films, according to the patents, which were included as exhibits in the lawsuit.

Stupid Story 04-03-06

Forum Post #1: You could always have an intro page that gives users a link to use a modern day BBS.

This is being posted because "The Modern Day BBS" died out back in 1998. Honestly, I have missed it ever since.

Stupid Story 04-03-06

Forum Post #1: We have recently purchased the infamous SherpaMatic double sided
proofer, and we are experiencing problems on a daily basis. Confidence is slowly being eroded away.

Forum Post #2: We are looking for a SherpaMatic to augment our current installation. Please contact me off forum if you have one available.

Hey! I know someone who may have a unit available....

Stupid Story 04-02-06

Person #1: Does 1/3 cup and 1/3 cup equal 2/3 cup?

Stupid Story 03-27-06

Person #1: I am going to retire in 56 months.
Person #2: 56 months? That's less than a year!

Stupid Story 03-21-06

Not my usual stupid exchance, but I found it amusing anyway. This is an email exchange from someone who was offering me to bid on a domian name similar to one I already have:

Person #1: I am the owner of www.Simplycomputers.com and am interested in selling it I was wondering who in your company I should speak to about this. Please forward this email to them or let me know their email and I will make contact myself thank you.

Person #2: While I am interested, I am a very small localized company without any real financial funding. So, I would only be able to offer a small amount for it.

Person #1: Well make your best offer I have several Simply Computers making offers.

Person #2: $100.00 ...did I win?

Person #1: I am sorry the highest offer I have had is $5000 Sorry

Person #2: Damn... I knew I should have offered $110.00

Stupid Picture 03-16-06

This is from a package currently being shippied to me via FedEx



For those who don't know, Wallingford is about 30 miles north of Stratford. I have no idea why they couldn't find me. I was right there. Duh...

WTF?!? 03-08-06

I haven't posted in a month and a half? Oh man, am I lazy. Anybody still left out there? Actually, I am busy pulling all of my websites together to host them from my own computer. This includes moving this site from Blogger onto my own server. Anyway, I'll be back. For those who actually bothered to show up, I'll throw this one at you. Sometimes it doesn't take more than one word to show someones true stupidity. This happened last month in New Jersey:

Person #1: Excuse me, do you have a smoking section?
Person #2: Why?

Why do you friggin' think? As if that wasn't bad enough, when #1 blankly walked away, #2 rolled her eyes as if #1 was the dumb one.

Stupid Picture 01-31-06

This is from MSN Alerts. They have a pulldown menu asking what region I was from.



No hablamos inglés aquí en América.

Stupid Story 01-29-06

Person #1: I like 18 year olds... better yet, make her 20. That way she would have more experience.
Person #2: Yeah, now-a-days, by 20, they have lots of experience. That's why I prefer 14 year olds.

Stupid Story 01-29-06

Woman #1 - Well, she was really nice.
Woman #2 - Yeah, she was a M.I.L.F.

Stupid Story 01-19-06

Person #1: I want to know if I can use this mouse on my computer.
Person #2: Just look on the plug at the end of the mouse, and see if it matches the plug on the box.
Person #1: I don't still have the original box.
Person #2: ....back of the computer box, not the shipping box.

Stupid Story 01-19-06

Wish I had my camera phone with me this morning (See next post about that whole mess), so it won't have the same impact a picture would have. BUT, I'll try and explain it. I saw a kid riding down the street on a bike with two front tires. They were pointing out, away from eachother. He was riding on one tire, then his balance shifted, and he was riding on the other tire. It was like he never learned to ride a bike, but didn't want to use training wheels. Sorry... funny picture, lame post.

Stupid Story 01-19-06

Two weeks ago I lost my phone, then someone stole it. They placed two calls on it before I reported it stolen about 5 hours later. I was willing enough to let the matter drop... until tonight. You see, I had received a phone call on my wife's phone from someone who said they were calling from Sprint, and there was a discrepancy with my plan. They then asked me to verify my identity by giving them my password or social security number. Of course, I said no. She said that it's not a problem, and all I had to do was call Sprint back at 866-360-2159 before they went home for the night at 8pm.

I proceeded to call Sprint at *2 so I knew I was calling them directly and told the operator what happened. Of course he said they would never have called about something like that. So I told him I had a stolen phone and I believe they were trying to access my account so It could be reactivated and taken off the stolen phone list. As it turns out, while I was on the phone with him, someone else called Sprint saying they were me, but they didn't know the information to access my account, so they were unsuccessful. I told the operator to put my account under lock and key, and that I would not be changing my plan, and not to let anyone access or modify it.

As for me, I plan on calling 866-360-2159 around 3am everynight... just to say "Hi".

Ok, so you read this far, your feeling bad about my situation, but you know I can't post on here without something stupid to tell you, right? Right.

So, I called the cops where I lost the phone, which was about an hour away from me. I figured I would give my info over the phone just in case something were to ever really happen like credit fraud or something with my bank account.Anyway, you know what he says? I have to come in and file a report. I told him I was nowhere near him, nor was I planning on going back down there, so he says he can't help me. Fucking nice, ain't it? That's why people can get away with anything these days.

Stupid Story 01-17-06

I was looking to buy a new camera, and I come to find out that one company owns like 15+ different website aliases. Unfortunately, they all seemed to end with the same type of sad story. While slightly off topic, and having nothing to do with me, I still thought you may enjoy it, and be warned by it:

"I again called Royal Camera and asked to speak with a supervisor. I was told that the supervisor was in a meeting and that he would call me back in 20 minutes. 45 minutes later, I called and was transferred to a man who identified himself as Ronnie. I explained the situation and the inconsistencies to him. He went over the order with me. He stated the items and the cost as being $4759.92 plus shipping. I stated that I thought $200 for shipping, in today's market, was high. He became rude and stated that if I could get it somewhere else to try. I asked him why the salesman had stated that the package lenses were Nikon lenses when they were not. He said, "I don't know, why did he?". I asked him why he was acting like a jerk and treating a customer this way. He said, "Because you're a motherfucker!". I asked to speak with his supervisor. He said, “I’m the owner, you stupid motherfucker.". I told him I didn't want to argue with him, I just wanted the things I ordered, at the prices quoted with fair shipping charges. He said, "You're too stupid a motherfucker for this camera. You don't listen. I wouldn't sell you this camera if you begged me.". And, he hung up.

I called back and was transferred to Ronnie. I stated that I wanted to make sure my credit card wasn't charged. He said, " You’re too stupid to know if I did.". I reiterated that I was canceling the order, and my card was not to be charged. Ronnie eventually stated that the order was canceled and to never order from him again. I stated that I felt he was discriminating against me because I caught his company lying about their products and prices. He said, "I can discriminate if I want, you motherfucker.". I ended the call.

Stupid Story 01-15-06

Person #1: I didn't know white people were called Honkys. I thought... oh wait... black people are Homies.

Stupid Story 01-10-06

Person #1: I just changed the light bulbs out back. They suck. We are changing them all the time. We should buy GE bulbs because they last the longest. These crappy ones are made by.... er... GE...

Stupid Picture 01-05-06

This one is kinda hard to see, but trust me, it's funny as hell. It's me taking a picture, of the tourists taking a picture, of the lighthouse that they can't see, because of the fog.

Stupid Picture 01-05-06

The Thing That Should Not Be.

Stupid Picture 01-05-06

The most awsome car ever.

Stupid Picture 01-05-06

The second most awsome car ever.

Stupid Story 01-02-06

Person #1: Dad, can I buy this toy?
Person #2: As long as it doesn't involve swords or guns.

Why? Is this a problem?

Stupid Story 01-02-06

Person #1: What's Canada?
Person #2: You SO didn't just ask me that...

Stupid Story 01-02-06

Overheard at Target:
Person #1: Oh, they have Tea Kettles. We need a new one.
Person #2: What's a Tea Kettle?

Now, sure, that would normally be enough to get posted, but the reply was classic.
Person #1: You put Tea in it, and it.... Kettles it.

Stupid Story 12-21-05

So she says to me "I will do anything you want me to. Just tell me what you want. What is your fantasy? ."So I tell her, and she says "I'm not going to do that!"

Stupid Picture 12-20-05

The front cover had a picture of just the Roman and the young boy... He was screaming because he knows what Romans did to young boys. On the inside pages, they had another ad including the woman... who also happened to be screaming in terror for her child. As for the Roman? Just look at that sly smile he has going on. I know what he wants. You know what he wants. The mother and child knows what he wants... To hell with Disney, I'm gonna take my kids to the Holy Land!

Stupid Picture 12-20-05

This one was my favorite ad. "Take the controls of a classic whirlybird...$20.00 off the in-flight video." What (dare I ask) could the video possibly be? My best guess, was that it was fight instructions on how to land. I figure, at that point, they could ask pretty much whatever they wanted for that video.

Stupid Picture 12-20-05

$10.00 OFF? How much do they think I am actually willing to pay for one lousy 30 second ride?

Stupid Picture 12-20-05

Holy Fuck!?! HOW desperate do I look? I mean, fucking seriously. I make a really sweet salery, own a house, don't owe any credit companies, and this is how I am repaid for living my life with a cash only policy? Bah... they can all just blow me.

Stupid Story 12-13-05

Person #1: See, all you have to do, is bang it on the side.
Person #2: Yeah, I do that to my wife.

Stupid Story 12-09-05

Holiday Card:

"Best wishes to you, and yours. Please have a safe Holiday and have a Happy New York!"

Stupid Story 12-09-05

Imaginary screenshot goes here:

"Acrobat 5 Reader is your default PDF reader. Would you like to make Acrobat 5 Reader the default PDF reader?"

Umm... sure.... no, wait... er... lemme think a second...

Stupid Story 12-09-05

This was on directions for a printing job:

White is a representation of "White Ink" showing through. This is NOT an ink.

Huh?

Stupid Story 11-29-05

Abbreviated Version:

I built a new computer and all the parts shipped from the next state over, but the motherboard was comming from California, which ment it would not be delivered until after the holiday. So, I order another motherboard and have it shipped overnight with the intention of returning the first board and saying it was the second board and get my money back.

When I build the machine on thanksgiving, the motherboard that was rushed to me was broken and didn't work for shit. Next day I go out and pay twice as much at the local retailer just so I can finish building the damn thing. Works Fine.

Next, I had to buy another motherboard to replace the one from the local retailer so I can get all that money back I overpaid.

Then I got an RMA for the damaged board and sent that back.

I now have the first motherboard (Which was free as part of a bundle which I will never use) and the motherboard I actually installed. The cost to juggle all these damn motherboards was about $500. After the dust settles, my free motherboard will have cost me $160.

Stupid Story 11-29-05

Just another one of those things that I simply DIDN'T need to know:

Person #1: I haven't been able to poop in two weeks.
Person #2: WAY too much information there.
Person #1: It really hurts.
Person #2: No, seriously, you don't need to share with the group.
Person #1: I should see a doctor.
Person #2: I'll be returning to my desk now.

Stupid Story 11-29-05

Date: Black Friday
Time: 2:00pm
Location: CompUSA
Total Time Spent in Store: 5 Minutes

Person #1: Do you have any XBox 360's in stock?

Now, despite the big signs that said they were sold out, and despite all the news reports that units were sold out across the country a freakin' week before, the least he could have done was have come out at 6am like anyone else would have done, had they actually been serious about buying one.... dumbass.

Stupid Picture 11-14-05

Fonzie SkyDives, so should you!

Stupid Picture 11-14-05

After a horrible incident last year involving Blitzen and a gator, Santa experiments with Airboat transport in the Everglades for next Christmas.

Stupid Picture 11-14-05

He appears to be leaving a little brown package for the next shopper. Nice Ad.

A Weekend Away

I went on a Work/Vacation trip to Florida. While I was down there, I found myself completely surrounded by idiocy. I have pages of notes I made to myself. Lots of really funny stuff. It's funny when I step out of my normal life and see how much mental damage there is out there. Anyway, I'll be making posts as I can. Many require scanning from the tourist guides and stuff.

Stupid Story 11-08-05

My hotel did not have any curtins, just see through sheers. I really appreciated that first thing in the morning when the sun came up.

Stupid Story 11-08-05

Did you know that in Orlando, Florida.... tourism capital of the world... they have Travel Agent shops. By that point, isn't it a little late to sell me on a vacation?

Stupid Story 11-08-05

In Tampa, I was flipping through the Tourist Guide, and it listed Lawyers. I found that to be amuzingly out of place. I am there for a week, and they want me to sue people.

Stupid Story 11-08-05

I went to Tampa, Florida for a business trip with my boss. He told me to meet him at his house at 4am. I was a good employee and was at his house for 3:30am to get an early start...... 4:03am I am calling his house and waking his lazy ass up out of bed. The humour of the story? Skip ahead 2 hours and we missed boarding the plane by approximately 3 minutes and they would not let us on. They said "We are the on-time airline". U-Huh... coming back we took off 25 minutes late, so you know I was early for that plane.

Stupid Story 11-08-05

The website name www.IShootBrides.com just cracks me up. I know it's about photography and all, but damn what a stupid name simply begging for jokes.

Stupid Story 11-03-05

Once again, at CompUSA:

Cashier #1: Why are people bringing me all the returns? I don't want to do the returns.
Person #2: The guy at the door told me to come over here.
Cashier #1: That's the manager... what's the manager's name? Bill Beaver?
Cashier #3: Gill Beaver.
Cashier #1: Oh yeah...

Stupid Story 10-30-05

Not one, but two old ladies buying a 3-year $30 warrenty on a $60 phone. How do these salespeople sell this stuff with a straight face? They would both need to stick thier phones in the washing machine on a heavy spin cycle before this purchase made any sense.

Stupid Story 10-30-05

Scene: Two old ladies in Radio Shack looking at the remote controlled RoboRaptor.

Person #1: Hey, We could buy this and have some fun tonight!
Person #2: I would rather buy a bottle of wine.

Stupid Story 10-21-05

Person #1 (Distracted): Do you have a few minutes...umm...to come...
Person #2: Why yes, i'd love to!
Person #1: ...up here...
Person #2: Damn....

Stupid Story 10-20-05

I ordered Pizza tonight, and say I will pickup. When I get there, I see the pizza guy outside on the back steps, and a girl standing in the street. "Odd" I think, but I need my pizza. So I go inside and the guy comes back inside too, and closes the door behind him. She starts banging on the metal door. He grabs his soda and opens the door. He walks back outside and I hear "Splash!". She says "You just threw that at me!" and he says "Damn right you crazy Bitch." Then they fight some more and he comes back inside to finish making my pizza. The End.

Stupid Story 10-16-05

If you ever find yourself dealing with GMAC Mortgage, do yourself a favor, and run like hell. I have never, in all my days, come across another company that month by month find new and innovative ways to piss me off. I am not talking about once in a while. I am talking about 12 consecutive months of really getting under my skin, and each time, it's something new. For this month, they decided I can't pay online because they can't find my account. Yeah, and If I can't find my checkbook 1 minute late, I get whacked with a $30 late fee. So no wise-assed jokes about them not finding my account, so I don't owe them the money.

Stupid Story 10-16-05

So the guy in India says to me "Thank you for calling Microsoft, and have a nice day." As if I had a choice or even wanted to call Microsoft. I mean, like I REALLY wanted to call Microsoft's Manual Activation when their Automated Web Actication and Automated Phone Activation failed. I mean, I wanted to call them about as badly as I wanted to Quark and Adobe when both of their activations failed as well. I miss the old days when you buy software, enter in the serial, and the damn thing just worked.

Damn SPAM

I am REALLY getting pissed off at these Auto Spam Messgage Replies. I'll bet I only get 2 visitors, and the rest Bots.

Stupid Story 10-09-05

I went into an Apple store, and there were a bazillion people in there. There was a security guard. There were stacks of IPods behind the counter just ready to go. So, I was wondering, at what point did Apple become so damn popular? I remember when Microsoft gave them 50 million just to stay in business. What happened?

oh, and they had a 30" monitor too. I made a wet spot, right then and there. It was awesome.

Stupid Story 10-09-05

Sign On Store: No Pets Allowed Except For Seeing Eye Dogs

So, who was going to read this sign? The blind man, or the dog?

Stupid Story 10-02-05

Person #1: I've repaired your computer for you. I have some good news, and some bad news. The bad news, is that your son has been downloading a lot of pornography lately, which directly led to all the pop-ups you have been experiencing. The good news, is that your son is perfectly straight, and will one day marry a very nice girl. Based on Explorer's History palette, she will likely be a hairy plumper...or a goat. Also, he seems to be heavily into german shitting sites, but likely, he is just being curious.

Stupid Picture 09-30-05

Person #1: We are all going to order some food. You want some?
Person #2: No thanks, it's almost lunchtime.
Person #1: Yeah... that's generally when we would order food.

Stupid Story 09-27-05

Machine: You have reached John. I'm not here, leave a message.
Person #1: Lucy, this is Brenda, call me.

Stupid Picture 09-25-05

So, tell me how you really feel.

Stupid Story 09-25-05

Person #1: What is the best way back to the highway?
Person #2: Walk.
Person #1: Heh... funny.... but seriously....
Person #2: I don't know, do you know?
Person #3: Nope. There are cars all over... I would walk too.
Person #1: O..K... Generally speaking, from here, should I take a left or a right out of the parking lot?
Person #2: Don't matter. either way will lead back to a highway.
Person #1: Yeah... thanks for all you help.

This is why they work at CVS, and I don't. BTW - The highway entrance was on the next block over. Kinda hard to miss is you work and live right there, you know?

Stupid Story 09-25-05

Person 1: At least my kid is smarter. He is an accountant. Her kid is a bread delivery guy. My kid makes so much money, he runs circles around her kid.

Stupid Story 09-21-05

I walked through the lobby, and there were two kids (about 18) standing there with like Led Zeppelin T-Shirts and ripped jeans and a strong "give me another hit, dawg" slow paced accent. Oh, and don't forget the red eyes, too.

Person #1: Are you, like, hiring graphic artists for an internship.
Person #2: I wouldn't know. You would have to come back when everyone isn't at lunch.
Person #1: Oh...so....ugh... what do you guys do here, anyway?

Now, if they came in with a portfolio, collar shirt, and spoke clearly, maybe I would have sat down and given them some advice... dumb asses....

Stupid Story 09-21-05

There was a new girl at Subway today, so I opted to bust her balls..

Person #1: Why do half the food containers have lids, but the other half don't have them?

While I certainly expected the usual low-pay employee responce of "*=-Der-=*", her comback was was quite unexpected.

Person #2: The FDA mandates that all meat products are covered to extend the life expectancy, whereas the other topings, such as tomato and peppers, can last much longer with the constant exposure to air, moisture, etc.


Ok, so, as long as only do what the goverment insists on, then another victory for minimalism.

Stupid Picture 09-20-05

What a bargain. In fact, I take a few, just in case the price goes back up.

Stupid Story 09-04-05

At work, we have a legitimate copy of Adobe CS 2 that we paid $500.00+ for. When I installed it, the serial number would not work to activate it online. So I called up and tech support, after 45 minutes, could not help me. They insisted that I jump through some hoops before they can issue me another serial number.

They send me to another department, and he has no idea why, and just wants to send me back to tech support. I tell him that not only did they send me to him, but the automated phone system put me through to him when I pushed the buttons saying my install wasn't working. In the end, I hung up on his for being a dumbass.

I had the same problem with Quark Express as well. Another $500.00+ program.

You know, the pirated copies of these programs don't have these kinds of hassles. You install it, maybe swap out a .dll file, and it works fine. When I tell tech support this, they never have much of a reply for it.

Stupid Story 09-04-05

The IT guy at my company, before me, had setup two servers. One was a Gateway/Firewall/DHCP Server. I can live with that, after all, if either of those three goes down, you can't access the internet anyway.

The second server supplied the following tasks: DNS, FTP, Email, Files, and archives. I had issues with this, because I had said that if this machine ever has a serious problem, we would not be able to access the internet, use the ftp, send or receive emails, access any of our current jobs, nor could we retreive any old jobs. Effectively, the company would come to a complete stop. As you can imaging, restarting this box durning normal business hours was not an option.

Two weeks ago, that machine went belly up... and it's a macintosh server.... good luck with figuring out how the damn thing even worked, right?

Very long story short, it took me 2 1/2 days (including overtime and saturday) but had opted to rebuild the network from scratch (like I had previously done for the rest of the systems). We now have an Email/FTP box, a file server box, and an internet related box. While 4 boxes would be best, this will do just fine. At least now, I can reboot one of them without taking the whole company with it. What a dumbass that other guy is.

Spyware

A big part of my new business is removing spyware. My competition sells this service for $50.00. The funny thing is, I generally charge more than that just to install all the software I plan on using. So, if it takes me that long just to get setup (usually about an hour before actually doing anything.) I cannot even fathom what little work they actually do for $50.00. My best guess is, they run AdAware and call it clean... shit, AdAware is so bad, I don't even bother installing it unless I have to.

A good one is Spybot, mainly because it is free, but it only has 23,000 records it scans for. Another good one is Spyware Doctor. That one has about 33,000 records, finds stuff the others don't, but it's slow as dirt. The best one is SpySweeper, because it contains over 103,000 records. Sadly, it misses alot of stuff too. I find, that running all three seems to do the trick. In a pinch, I would then install AdAware, but that generally finds nothing worth finding, like cookies. Lastly, I install Zone Alarm if all else fails, because that will bring to my attention any traffic the stubborn bugger makes. Also thrown in the mix is HiJack This.

All in all, I charge about 3 times what my competition does, but I can safely make the guarantee that all the crap has been removed. People don't seem to mind paying, and noone has called me back because of return spyware troubles.... yet.

Stupid Story 08-29-05

Person #1: No, I don't want to move to Key Largo.
Person #2: Why not?
Person #1: Because I don't want to live in a foreign country.

Stupid Story 08-27-05

A guy comes into the store with his computer. He goes on about how his computer was broke, and the other store (competition) didn't finish fixing it. He needed us to reinstall his Windows XP operating system for him. He hands over two homemade disks. One was labeled Windows XP Pro, and he claimed that he has the original, but did not want it damaged by us, so he made a backup copy. Ok, I am willing to buy that story right up to the point where he hands me the serial number he wants me to use. It starts with "FCKGW", which I am sure you are all familiar with, right? Now it starts to make sense why the other store would not finish fixing it.

Oh yeah, and the second disk? It was labeled "Keys for Windows XP".

Diagnostic Case

I was thinking, what we could use is a case that has a flip-top with retractable wires, plugs and adapters in it. This way, if you want to test a customers Hard Drive, you don't need to open (or keep open) your case. Everything normally internal, would have an external connection... with plenty of cable length for it, too.

Stupid Story 08-27-05

How I Charge
$195.00 - 3 hours for diagnostics and repairs
$75.00 - Purchased Software
$16.20 - Tax
$286.20 - Total

After Customer Complains
$100.00 - 1.5 hours for diagnostics and repairs
$75.00 - Purchased Software
$175.00 - Total

How I Should Have Charged
$1040.00 - 16 hours wasted running same useless anti-spyware software
$5.00 - After a moment of brilliance, devise way to trick spyware
$60.00 - Spend rest of hour re-running more tests
$65.00 - Stuck in morning traffic, twice, to return shitty computer
$25.00 - Listening to you complain on phone about how much it cost
$25.00 - Making my partner listen to you complain as well
$100.00 - Extra gas, electricity, and misc crap it cost me
$75.00 - Purchased Software that didn't work for shit anyway
$83.70 - Tax
$1478.70- Total

In case you were wondering, after splitting the money with my partner, I made a whopping $2.85 per hour to fix this cunts computer. As you can see, I had actually saved her money. What can I say, running these tests takes time. It wasn't my faunt that 7+ programs could not whipe the damn thing off the computer. You know, I am such a bitter, vindictive fuck, I am tempted to send her that bill. It's not like she will ever come back to us again anyway.

Stupid Story 08-24-05

I'm sorry, but if you are going to have someone repair your computer, the least you can do is TRY and hide your personal stuff. "I was laying on my belly, that's when you slid into me. When we made love that night, I knew we were soulmates." Man, I had the hardest time standing there getting paid while she was bent over the table writing me the check. I couldn't help but think about soulmating her. Heh...

Stupid Story 08-22-05

"Writer Anthony Spinner is suing ABC and Touchstone Television over the series LOST for allegedly taking his concept for a TV show that he worked on for Sid and Marty Krofft Productions. Spinner claims he was hired in 1977 to write, develop and produce a show about a group of airplane crash survivors who struggle to survive in a jungle where they encounter strange creatures and dangerous characters."

Oh, Pul-EEZE. Every idea that could have EVER be created already has been. Every bad idea has already been knocked off and done right. I mean, shit, you guys ever see the Belkin Nostromo Keyboard Controller they sell for $50? Well, a year before that product hit the market, I not only designed the same damn thing, but marketed it myself and had my own product that I sold. In fact, I was working on my controller at the same time as someone else. My point is, which one of us deserves to sue first? I mean, fuck, all three of us made the same damn thing, and belkin made it better and cheaper. Good for them... I still have one sitting on my desk, I bought it for $30. Hmm... maybe I should sue after all...

Stupid Story 08-12-05

I noticed at work that they were packaging a huge assortment of BetaMax tapes. I didn't think they made those players for the past 20+ years.

New Nvidia XFX 6600GT

After 2 years with the same video card, I finally broke down and bought myself a new one. I was so happy.

R.I.P. Nvidia XFX 6600GT

Lasted 3 reboots, and now all I get are colored blocks on the screen at boot, then it hangs while loading Windows. So much for that....

Stupid Story 07-31-05

I was at work on Saturday when this buzzing started. I looked around, and nobody was moving. I asked if that was the fire alarm, and two people said yes. I asked one of them to get up and check. If they didn't come back alive, I was going to go out the other way. He comes back, and confirms it was the fire alarm. I went out back to see what was going on, and I was told that a box had tipped over and set it off. Ok, so we have to wait for the fire department to come and reset it.

20 minutes later, noone had come. I called the fire department myself, and I got a recording telling me to leave a message. Alternatively, I could call the fire marshall and it gave his number. So I called it. If you couldn't see this coming yet, I was greeted to the same exact recording.

I notice out the window a fire truck driving by. Finally, I thought, they were going to turn this damn thing off.... the truck drove right by us and went down the street.

After 30 minutes, the alarm stopped on its own, and noone ever came to check on us. Nice.

Stupid Story 07-20-05

I was in Subway getting some lunch. A guy comes in, looks at the menu for a minute, then leaves. This left me perplexed because obviously he was hungry enough to stop, get out of his car, and walk inside. Once there, it was as if he had no idea what could possibly be on the menu. This would be as if you went into Blockbuster and was disappointed to find that they didn't sell dirt bikes.

Question #2

Why is it, that when a tech guy can't solve a problem, the first thing they do is blame "something" on the network.... which they don't support? I had two different system glitches, and both tech guys blamed my network. I actually went off on the second guy for passing the buck and insited he fix the problem. Of course, it turned out to be his product.

Question

Why is it, that if I want a processor which involves thousands of hours to produce, it can only cost like $50. However, if I want a stupid keyboard, it cost $80+ and comes with a mouse?

Today's Cell Phones

I bought myself one of those new Multimedia phones that do everything under the sun. After I get it, I find out they want to charge me like $15 a month extra to email the pictures I take, to my computer. They want to charge extra for internet access. They want to charge extra for each and every ringtone/wallpaper/animation I want to download. Not to mention the extra charge to watch TV on the damn thing.

So, I bought myself an $18 USB cable that plugs right into my computer and it lets me copy pictures/ringtones/wallpapers/phonebook/calendar/whateverthefuckIwant with a free internet connection for my laptop to boot. Sprint can blow me.

Anyone know of any REALLY free ringtone/wallpaper websites? When you google it, all you get is more pay-to-download crap. There has to be some nice underground websites around somewhere.

No Time

I never have time to post anymore. My job has me working 13+ hours every darn day. This Sucks. Hey, wanna hear strange? I get pulled into the bosses office (again) today, and he hands me a $100 bill, and tells me to go have a nice dinner with my wife. All I could think about was that movie, The Firm. So, I did what anyone would do... I took my wife to McDonald's, then I went out to buy beer, porn, and spend an hour at the strip bar. (ba-doom-tis)

A salesman at work got pulled into the owners office to be talked to about his shitty attitude. That was pretty funny.

I saw an email from one of our clients. It read "Lately, you guys suck. Where is my proof? Blow Me, Bill." That was hysterical. I can't believe some of the crap that goes on behind closed doors.

Darth Vader

I just came across http://darthside.blogspot.com/ and while I found the writing well done, I can't for the life of me understand why people care about Vader. I mean, for 6 movies, he is hyped as being the do-all and end-all. he was supposed to 'bring balance to the force' and blah blah blah.... In case these people hadden't notice, this character did absolutely nothing at all during the entire time he was on screen.

The first movie he whined about being a slave. the second movie he whined about not being a jedi master. The third he whined about Padme. The fourth he wanted everyone to join him. The fifth film he finally had a galactic purpose in life..... find Han Solo. In the last one, his son kicked his ass.

If he was to bring "balance", how come there were dozens of Jedi, but only 4 bad guys seen? At the end of movie Six, all are celebrating. Guess no other Sith left to kill. Good thing... only two jedi left as well... but no Jedi girlfriend for Luke to make a baby with. If he did it with Leia, would they have super babies?

No sleep sucks.

Stupid Story 07-06-05

Person #1: I would like to read more about DVD authoring, but I am not sure where I can do that. Do you have any suggestions?

Person #2: In a book.

Stupid Story 07-05-05

CompUSA strikes again. I'm telling you. If I ever need something stupid to write about, 5 minutes in this store has plenty.

While waiting in line at the register, there are two old ladies behind me looking at the games on the shelf. In particular, they were talking about "Stronghold 2".

Person #1: Oh, this game is horrible. That man on the cover looks evil.
Person #2: He looks like the devil.
Person #1: I would never let my kids play a game like this.
Person #2: Me either... and they are better off for it too.
Person #1: They are lucky they us to look out for them.
Person #2: I mean... it looks like Holloween or something.

This conversation drags on while we wait in line.

Person #1: Where is everybody?
Person #2: I know... all these customers in line, and they only have one girl at the register open.
Person #1: Look, all those other employees are just standing around over there. You would think they might come over here and help her.
Person #2: Kids of today... no teamwork.

Now, you know I am just standing there getting a kick out of them talking right? I get up to the register and she scans my stuff. (BTW - They moved those obnoxious monitors. Guess I wasn't the only one to complain about them) So, I run my card through and it says "cannot read card" so I scan it again. It says "cannot read card". So, I spin it around and try the other way and nothing happens. The girl behind the register (Who was watching me) says "You have to put it in the other way". I reply with "Been there, done that, and it obviously didn't work". The old bags behind me giggle. Shocking.

As one last insult to injury, it starts to print my receipt then runs out of tape. She informs me that it ran out of tape, and she must get more. I told her to go get the tape and when she is ready, i will be in my car waiting. So I left, mumbling about how if I want stupid, I need to go to CompUSA, and if I didn't get enough, I could always stop at Best Buy and fill up there, as well.

Stupid Story 07-04-05

Person #1: Did you see that guy? He... oh wait... that was a woman.

Stupid Story 07-04-05

Person #1: I don't like your steering wheel.
Person #2: Why? What's wrong with it?
Person #1: It's sticky.
Person #2: Oh yeah... well, it doesn't really bother me. I don't use it that much.

Stupid Story 07-04-05

Even I belong on this website once and a while.... I was emptying a load of laundry, and at the bottom of the basin was my cell phone. Apparently, It did not survive. Funeral Services will be held tomorrow during lunch, when I stop at the local phone store to buy a new one.

Stupid Story 07-01-05

I had a dispute with my oil company and they tried to screw me out of several hundred dollars. They gave me some office policy mumbo-jumbo. So, I did what any smart american would do.... I called my lawyer. For a nominal fee, he sent off a threatening letter. Three weeks later, I get a check for all the money they owed me, and then some. I wonder who else I can threaten to sue?

Stupid Story 06-30-05

On the front page of yesterday's Daily News was two headlines. One at the top, one at the bottom:

Top: A female Military Officer was killed on her 21st birthday in Iraq.

Bottom: George Bush held a conference to boost confidence in the US still being over in Iraq. He was quoted as saying "It's Worth It"

Stupid Hotel 06-29-05

I was quite impressed by the attention to detail in my hotel room. The Fung Shway really flowed through when I wanted to watch TV from the bed. You see, the room was twice the size of whats in the picture, and the whole other wall was empty. However, by setting the room up this way, they were able to effectively block the entrance as opposed to moving the TV and dresser across the room.

Stupid Hotel 06-29-05

I would like to thank the hotel for providing, free of charge, the refreshing luke-warm room temperature bottled water. Ahhh... that's the stuff of quality right there.

Stupid Picture 06-26-05

Don't blink, or you may miss the "HUGE TAG SALE" as you speed by doing 50mph.

Stupid Story 06-24-05

I was on a work computer that I was going to reinstall. So, I said to myself "What would happen if..." I went to a particular website and suddenly all the pop-ups started to appear, 5 at a time. Spyware starts showing up next to the clock, virus' overrun the system, and within 2 minutes, NT 2000 gives me the Blue Screen of Death, and goes into a constant reboot cycle. It is now completely useless.

I find it disturbing that a simple website can launch so much damage and destruction onto someones computer. It also bothers me that these site owners voluntarily rent out pop-up space to these types of things. Likely, they figure if your not protected, then you shouldn't be on the net to begin with.

Stupid Story 06-22-05

Yesterday, a kid that I manage calls in sick. While this royally sucks, I do my best to fill his position and get the work done as best as I can. Since he is the only person who knows how to do his important job, this put the whole company in a really bad place. (Remember, I only started there less than 2 months ago, so I never had the chance to fully learn what he does, past the basics).

With age, comes the wisdom to keep your damn mouth shut. In this story, the kid is only 22 and hasn't learned that yet. So, the day before he calls in sick, he goes around telling several people that he feels like he is being 'dumped' on with work. He also said that if he didn't come in, we would find out how valuable he really is. This, of course, gets back to management. So now, my boss and I are fuming at the arogance this kid has by thinking he is indispensible, and can hold the company by the balls.

Today, I made a note to start paying a little bit more attention to how he does his job. Oh yeah, and that raise I was going to get for him because I thought he deserved it? Yeah, well, he can forget about that.

Stupid Story 06-22-05

I work with a fast talking, always right, salesman. This whole conversation was one zing after another. Here is what I remember:

Salesman: See these guys here doing this installation? We just spent over Fifty Thousand Dollars installing a top of the line color matching system that will...

Customer: So, what your saying is that for years you have been charging us top dollar for a crappy proofing system.

Salesman: No,no, not at all. I have always given you an excellent rate.

Customer: Oh, so now your going to raise my prices to help pay for the system that you always said you already had...

Salesman: No, that's not what I ment...

Oh, man... that was priceless.

Stupid Story 06-22-05

I was waiting my turn at a 4-way intersection. Each person took their turn, and one by one, each car went. Then, like clockwork, all 5 cars (yeah, 5 of them) decided to all go at once. The way I figured it, if a lightning bolt hit, we could have gotten rid of 4 morons right then and there.

Stupid Story 06-21-05

We went to a restraunt, and it looked kinda busy, however there were plenty of empty tables. Please note that three people were up front greeting customers:

Person #1: Table for two.
Person #2: I am sorry, there is about a 45 minute wait.
Person #1: But... there are plenty of empty tables.
Person #2: I know sir, but the kitchen is very busy this evening.
Person #1: Well, why don't 2 of you go help in the kitchen then. It doesn't take 3 people to tell customers they have to wait.

We left. The blank stare on his face was more than enough for me.

Stupid Story 06-21-05

I ate in the hotel's restraunt. I was brought butter, but bread was never delivered. When I received my meal, the Fries were cold and soggy. I wonder how long it was left sitting there under the heat lamp? After the food was delivered, she never stopped long enough to ask if I needed anything. 5 Minutes later I was able to stop her for some ketchup and mayo... of course, it took another 5 to get my stuff delivered.She never returned to ask how my meal was. Her tip was about .65 because I couldn't leave her less without waiting some more.Was she busy? Not in my opinion. Was she pleasent? Not at all. Worst meal out in quite a while.

Stupidity - The Movie?

So, I watched it, and the point they are trying to make, is that noone has ever done a true study of stupidity before. Is it genetic, or trained? Basically, they spend 45 minutes interviewing people who talk in circles.

My definition of stupidity, is someone who consistantly fails to think ahead and mentally view the end result of their actions.Like, people who drive all over the road, cashiers who put dollars in your hand and then change on top, George Bush....

Reader Submission 06-14-05

I have a wireless laptop and a desktop. Every night about the same time (9ish or so) I'd be laying in bed on line and I'd lose the connection. I'd restart the modem, restart my computer, double check the desktop. Nothing worked. It would go in and out about that time every single night.

I called Comcast Cable to explain my situation to them. They check the lines. . . No problems. I get on line, get settled into bed. . . disconnected. I call back they check the lines they say there is NOTHING wrong with the connection that it must be "My computer" and they would send a technician out to my house free of charge to check things out.

Saturday comes. Two, TWO mind you, technicians come into my house. Check the computer. Check the lines. Go into my basement and pull out some wires to check them for breaks or disconnection. They find nothing. They both tell me that the problem is NOT in my house that it's the poles outside and they need to send another technician to check the connection at the pole.

I canceled the service and went with the only other option I have here. Wideopenwest. They are great so far. Anyways, this weekend I get this guy pounding on my front door. I answer, "I'm here with Comcast to disconnect your cable for an overdue account." I laughed in his face. "If you technicians would have done the job right in the first place. I wouldn't have had to switch companies!" Then he asked me for the cable box I returned months ago.He showed me some bill for $200 something. As of today, I am still getting that same bill. With interest and penalty on it.

Stupidity - The Movie?

I'll let you know how this was -
http://www.cbc.ca/roughcuts/feature_211004.html

Overheard at the Art Show 06-13-05

The amount of people who could not identify a cityscape of Boston kind of suprised me. The many people who correctly idetified a ship in Salem Harbor was quite amazing to me. The one woman who incorrectly identified Miami as New York City needed to be beaten with a blunt object. Mainly because she commented on the way I was able to capture the twin towers in such a unique light. (must have been that zoom lenz, eh?)

Overheard at the Art Show 06-13-05

On the first day, I easily had about 30 - 50 different people ask me where I took this picture of a tree. So, I politely said that it was in Florida, The Tree of Life at Disney's Animal Kingdom. By the end of the day it was just annoying.

Next day, the story changed a little bit. It seemed that I now worked for National Geographic, and the tree could be found in Africa. All the carvings of the differnt animals on the outside bark were hand chiseled by little pigmy children. Sadly, the tree was no longer there because Disney relocated it, cut a hole through the inside, and put in a movie theater.

Oh come on.... I was bored stupid for 2 days. What do you want from me?

Overheard at the Art Show 06-13-05

Person #1: What do you use to paint these paintings with?
Person #2: A Paintbrush.

On The Road 06-09-05

So, like I said, I am at a training thing for work. I would have posted sooner, but the hotel wants an extra $9.95 per night for internet access. What a ripoff. While I would get it if I really needed it, but I am quite busy with my side project, comming up this weekend. I had not mentioned I am in an artshow up i Pittsfield, MA. If you want to see some of my work, go to www.myphotography.us and look around, primarily at the section Echoes, which is my book.

So, you want a stupid story eh? Ok then, at the hotel, they have a bar. In the bar, they have two dart boards. Unforutnately, they only have two darts, as well.

Stupid Story 06-06-05

I went into CompUSA yesterday. Even though I did not make any eye contact, I still had like 7-10 kids ask me if they could help me. It's like, they assume I am an idiot and I can't possibly find where they keep all the keyboards. I swear... one of these days I am going to take one of these kids on a ride "No, no no... not that kind of keyboard... I want the ones with the two buttons...". or maybe I'll ask them for a liquid cooled floppy adapter or something.

At the register, I am greeted with a a 15" LCD display that is being suspended over the counter at eye level. This means the friggin' thing is right in my face with some huge assed letters and numbers. Glad they think I am blind, too.

Lastly, I am treated like a criminal on the way out when they give me the see-through bag and get my receipt punched. Maybe next time when they ask me if they can help, I can ask them to help me steal an Ipod. Not kiddingly either, being dead serious. I couldtalk him into putting it into his pants and escorting me out to my car.

Away For The Week

I have to go on a business trip for a full week. If I have internet in my hotel, I will likely post, but I don't know. So, if the five of you could remember to come back in a week, that would be great, thanks.

Stupid Picture 06-05-05

My New Printer comes with several useful features. Two of them are a "Paper Saving" checkbox, and a "Fast Print" checkbox. This way, when I want, I can leave them both unchecked and I can have it waste paper while it prints really, really slow.

On My Vacation 06-04-05

We randomly picked a location to visit, and randomly picked a day to go. As luck would have it, the local college was having graduation and every single hotel in the area was booked solid. We ended up staying at a shithole where we didn't even want to sit on the toilet.

On My Vacation 06-04-05

I had some extra junk keys on my keychain for some time, so I left them on the table at a hotel. You don't think they ever called to let me know I left my keys behind, do you?

Stupid Story 06-04-05

All the Office stores now have the "Ink in stock, Guaranteed" slogan. So, I went into Staples today and was staring at the wall of ink. On of the kids came over and asked if he could help. I told him the model number and he started looking (as if he would have any better luck). Someone else came over, then the three of us started looking. I guess the first kid gave up, because he just walked away. The guy finally found my ink at the bottom somewhere. He hands me one cartridge, and I say Thank you. Then, I take a second cartridge from the rack, then a third, then a fouth.

I asked if they had anymore, and he said no. How many did I need? I told him that i needed more than four, and it was not in stock... guaranteed.

(Actually, I needed five, so I have to stop somewhere else.)

Stupid Story 6-1-05

Seen on Dell Website:

FREE UPGRADE! 512MB, 400MHz DDR (2x256) for the price of 256MB [add $34 or $1/month1] Dell Recommended

Stupid Story 05-31-05

Seen on the PayPal Website:

"Give your customers a smooth payment experience by customizing PayPal's payment pages to match the look and feel of your website."

So, I clicked on the "EDIT" button. It responded with:

"The PayPal page style is a default page style that cannot be edited, replaced, or removed."

Someone took the time to build a web page that, apparently, does nothing.

Observation

This past month, I honestly have not come across any seriously back-ass-ward things to post about. This concerns me, because the whole point of this site is to complain about stupid stuff. I would say that I am getting easier on people, but you can see how much I have been milking this whole vacation storyline. I am sorry, but one week down south gave me all kinds of material that made my head spin. It was non-stop idiocy. This makes me think the whole problem was the people I used to work with. While I miss them terribly, it seems that many of them were just asking for trouble.

On My Vacation 05-31-05

I went to three hotels that said they had wireless internet access. None of them worked at all. In case you think it was me, Starbucks' wireless worked like a charm.

On My Vacation 05-31-05

One hotel had a brochure that said free Continental Breakfast.

Person #1: There is free Conintental Breakfast served here?
Person #2: Yes, it is Coffee and Doughnuts.

As if that wasn't bad enough, when I went to checkout in the morning, I didn't see the doughnuts.

On My Vacation 05-29-05

When you pay over $100 for a hotel room, they frequently give you a free Continental Breakfast. I was quite suprised at one hotel that later handed me an $18 bill. Seemed the brochure didn't actually say "free".

Stupid Picture 05-29-05

What do you mean I need to defrag my drive?

On My Vacation 05-25-05

The brochure advertised High Speed Internet access. When I was unable to pick up a wireless signal, I looked for a jack. When I couldn't find a jack, I went to the front desk to ask.

Person #1: How do I connect to the internet?
Person #2: Dialup?
Person #1: No, the brochure said High Speed Internet Access.
Person #2: Yup, that computer over there.

I should have known better.

Stupid Story 05-25-05

I had a package at the door for FedEx to be sent out. As expected, my dog walker didn't even look at the package, and brought it back in, and left it on the counter. Today, I leave the same exact package out there, so, of course, she brings it back inside again and puts it right next to the note that says to leave the package alone.

On My Vacation 05-22-05

In Philadelphia, I was driving down a One Way road. At the next intersection, I had two One Ways pointing tword me, and a Do Not Enter in front of me. I would have taken a picture, but I had a car behind me.

On My Vacation 05-22-05

There was this car that went up the off ramp. The other cars around were flashing the lights and honking the horn, but it did not matter.... up he went. I just sat there laughing. I figured he would figure it out sooner or later.

On My Vacation 05-21-05

[In an Art Museum]
Person #1: Is this Indonesian Art?
Person #2: No, it's Chinese.
Person #1: Whatever...

[Next Room]
Person #1: So, this is Chinese art, huh?
Person #2: No, now it's Japanese.
Person #1: Whatever...

[Next Room]
Person #1: I wouldn't expect Chinese art to look like this.
Person #2: That's because now it's African art.
Person #1: Whatever...
Person #2: Whatever?!? Do you even live on the same planet I do?

On My Vacation 05-20-05

Person #1: I had to catch an early morning flight, so I booked a room next to the hotel.

On My Vacation 05-20-05

One Morning during breakfast I ment to pour maple syrup onto my french toast. I apparently poured the pot of coffee instead.

On My Vacation 05-20-05

[In reference to New York]
Person #1: The buroughs aren't bridges, are they?

On My Vacation 05-20-05

There was a kid in McDonalds who was trying to change the over flowing trash can outside. It was amusing to watch him try and swap the bags without knocking anything on the ground. By the time he was done, the whole area was covered with litter. He then replaced the bag, and left the mess behind.

Definition of Pebkacity

I noticed that in my last post, I used the word 'Pebkacity' without properly defining it.

So here is the definition of Pebkacity, straight from Merriam-Webster OnLine:
1. General incoherence and stupidity
2. Unintelligible and Unintellectual comments without any necessary order or structure
3. The art of showing the general public just how idiotic they really are

Next week: 404ity

On My Vacation 05-18-05

[Big Bridge in Front of Us]
Person #1: Is that the Lincoln Tunnel?

On My Vacation 05-18-05

Person #1: Has anyone ever jumped off this bridge before?
Person #2: Likely, yes.
Person #1: Do you think they died?
Person #2: Likely, yes.
Person #1: Cool.

On My Vacation 05-16-05

Person #1: I booked us room to stay in Philidelphia for one night.
Person #2: I am not staying in Philadelphia.
Person #1: What's wrong with Philadelphia for one night?
Person #2: I don't like the Poconos.
Person #1: Yeah, so?
Person #2: Poconos is boring.
Person #1: ....... Ok, I'll bite. What does Philadelphia have to do with Poconos?
Person #2: They are both in Pennsylvania.

It was somewhere around here that I abandoned all hope of an intelligent conversation.

Stupid Story 05-16-05

I am out walking my dog in the park, and this little poodle comes running up to my german shepherd. I struggle to keep my dog under control. The old guy sitting on the bench says "If your dog starts with my dog, mine will start back." So I said to him "If your dog starts with mine, my dog will eat your dog... now put him on a leash before I take my dog's leash off."

20 minutes later we bump into them again and the little poodle is still free, and comes right up to my dog. My dog goes crazy. I go to untie the leash around his neck, and the old guy picks up his dog and puts the leash on. I just love polite people.

Notice

I had gone on vacation last week, and never had the chance to announce it. I am back, I bring lots of stupidity with me. I will post them shortly. Thanks for still being here... all three of you. heh.

Two I say, Two!

I'm sorry to interupt the normal flow of Pebkacity, but I just want to make a point clear.

There are two of us posting on this blog. There's _=LRK=_ and there's me, One of the Firsts.

Just look at the end of each post to see who made it...

I just figure that people aren't realizing this fact, because they post messages like "John Doe, what type of place do you work in now" to an entry by _=LRK=_, ignorant of the fact that I am John Doe, not _=LRK=_.

Just wanted to point this out, thanks.

Blog on, my fellow Bloggers!

Stupid Story 05-04-05

It amazes me that people tell me I am impatient... this morning I had to call a company, and I ended up speaking with *8* people before I got a reasonable answer. Now, I know what your saying... it's all me right? One of my conversations went something like this:

Person #1:I cannot help you in this department. I will need to forward you, please hold on.
[BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP as he dials the extension]
[pause]
Person #1: Hello?
Person #2: Yeah.
Person #1: Let me try that again, hold on.
[BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP as he dials the extension]
[pause]
Person #1: Hello?
Person #2: Yeah, I'm still here.
Person #1: Let me try that again, hold on.
[BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP as he dials the extension]
[pause]
Person #1: Hello?
Person #2: I am still here.
Person #1: Let me try that again, hold on.
[BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP as he dials the extension]
[pause]
Person #1: Hello?
Person #2: Yeah....
Person #1: My phone must be broke... can you just call back?

It's that high level of professionalism that I respect. I mean, this guy was one step away from asking me if I want fries with that.

Stupid Picture 05-04-05

I went to the mall on Sunday afternoon, and this is how this bonehead parked. Noone is in the car, noone is waiting around doing anything, and nothing is blocking the spot in front of the car. This person actually parked the car like this, and went inside the mall. Amazing.

And I always thought it was a simple thing

Maybe I should get a newer computer...

Stupid Story 04-29-05

I walked in this morning, said hello to someone, and spent the next 20 minutes hearing about his life story.

I only have myself to blame.

What does this button do?

How do I make a post on this blog?

Stupid Email 04-27-05

This came in my email today. I just thought it was funny.

If you cannot read the following eMail click or copy the following link to your browser http://www.americancopyservice.com/sw/tasks/ReadEmail.cfm?CAMPAIGNID=103339&ID=1931730805656

Stupid Story 04-27-05

After some 9 hours at my new job:

Person #1: Are you new here?

I was like, what rock were you hidding under for the last 2 days? Didn't you get the memo? I bought the place, now get out.

Stupid Story 04-27-05

PayPal send me several of these emails today:

Paypal: We attempted to transfer from your bank account. This transfer was returned by your bank for the reason below: This bank account has been closed. As a result, this bank account has been removed from your PayPal account.

Well, no shit Sherlock. To make it even funnier, GoDaddy sent me this email:

GoDaddy: We have received notification that Paypal has reversed this transaction. If you prefer, you may complete a 'Send Money' transaction via PayPal to paypal@godaddy.com.

Stupid Story 04-27-05

That guy who screwed up that job yesterday apparently screwed up a second one that had to be reprinted on the press. I feel bad for people who are that dumb. It was also strange spending the day with the guy who I knew is going to be out of a job in a week and a half. Even sadder is that he can see it too, but when he approached the supervisor, he was handed a load of crap about the situation. Gosh I hate corporate mentality and lying to people.

Stupid Story 04-27-05

If only I had my camera this morning... maybe tomorrow. On the way to my new job in the opposite direction from the past 3 years was one of those electronic signs over the highway that said: Delay Next 21 miles Exit 31 to 11.

Certainly, when I reached exit 31, I hit a wall of cars. Ugh. Glad I wasn't going 21 1/2 miles, as I would have expected.

E-mail

The other day, I received the following e-mails from one of my acquaintances:

E-mail 1:
Hey John Doe [name changed to protect myself],
My e-mail isn’t working. Can you tell me how to make it work?

A few minutes later, I receive the following e-mail:

E-mail 2:
Never mind, I fixed it.

Yeah… I think those e-mails speak for themselves.

Microsoft in the Computer Age: Cleaning up the gene pool, one idiot at a time.

FYI

You will be happy to know that I have been rehired... as a manager no less. I have achieved my lifes goal. I have reached.... Middle Management. That's right. Once again I get to hear all about crap I have no interest in. Like how one of my peons is pregnant (funny, I thought she was just fat) and the other peon is being fired because he sucks. The replacement will be hired tomorrow.

While on my tour, it turned out that several people didn't follow a basic procedure (lazy) and it turned out to be a mistake that cost several thousands to reprint the job. I bet the first one to screw it up was that guy getting fired.

Ah.... and so it begins.

Reader Submission 04-26-05

Person 1: Did you know you can call 911 if you need a cab and they will dispatch one out to you?
Person 2: Really?
Person 1: Yeah, haven't you seen the tops of the cabs, they have that light thing that says TAXI CALL 911.
Person #3: Um, i think that's incase they are being robbed or held hostage. They use it to alert people to call 911 for them.
Person 1: No. That doesn't make sense. Why wouldn't they just call themselves.
Person #3: Because they are being held hostage.

Popup

The other day, as I was shutting down Microsoft Word, the following popup appeared:



Leave it to Microsoft to give you the option…

Your mailbox is over its size limit

Today I received an automatic message from my ‘System Administrator’ and it went something like this:
“Your mailbox has exceeded one or more size limits set by your administrator. Your mailbox size is 14613 KB…You must empty the Deleted Items folder after deleting items or the space will not be freed.”

How nice, they even made it stupid-proof (‘you must empty the Deleted Items folder…’), but did the creator of this warning think about the logic of the feature?

Well, let’s see. What is the problem the warning is telling us about? The inbox is full. And in what form do we receive the warning? In the form of a message to our inbox, thus making our inbox even fuller than it was in the first place.

I suppose, though, I should be grateful that Microsoft didn’t decide to include a picture or maybe an attached help document along with the e-mail.

*tsk* *tsk* *tsk* Microsoft…

Stupid Story 04-25-05

An Email to PayPal:
I tried to remove the bad account before, but it didn't let me. Now someone automatically billed me, paypal automatically paid it, and the funds are coming from a bank account with nothing in it. Can You stop withdrawls from *** Bank, and change them to come out of *** bank? Or even just cancel the payment all together?

The Reply:
Hello, my name is Michele, I appreciate the opportunity to help you today.
Thank you for contacting PayPal. We apologize for the delay in responding to your service request. Once all transactions are completed you can set the *** bank as your primary bank. Please read below. To designate a bank account as primary, follow these directions: (Insert Canned Instructions)

My Response:
Given that I closed the account that paypal will be trying to pull funds from, I was trying to let you know, before your access would be denied. Since you chose to ignore my previous request, and rather decided to send me a canned response, this is now your problem, not mine. Since it is apparent that your company will send funds to anyone who asks for it, without my concent, I really don't care if it bounces on you. The thing I am most upset with is, rather than simply fix the problem, you would rather have my bank charge me a $25.00 bounce fee because there are no funds available, like I previously wrote. I made a simple customer request, and it was ignored. I hate incompetancy.

Their Response:
On 04/22/05, I sent you an email regarding your PayPal account. As part of PayPal's commitment to excellence, I want to make sure I met your needs in my response.
Would you please take a minute to answer a few questions to let me know how I did?

My Response:
Hire competant employees who actually read the email and are able to think for themselves. Sure, they cost a buck or two more an hour, but since this person cost us both time and money, I think it would have been worth it.

Stupid Story 04-24-05

Overheard at CompUSA:

Customer: This antena needs a longer cable, would you have one?
Employee: It says it uses an RF cable.... what's that?

Two Minutes Later:

Employee: This is where we keep all our WebCams.... but I don't know anything about them.

As if that wasn't bad enough, the followup question was:

Customer: Which one is better?

Stupid Story 04-22-05

An old lady pulls up in her car. Barely able to see over the steering wheel. She was apparently suffering from some shrinkage over the years.

Person #1: Excuse me, do you live here?
Person #2: Yes, can I help you?
Person #1: Have you seen any Olive Trees?
Person #2: Ugh... no.
Person #1: There used to be Olive Trees on this street.
Person #2: I don't know what to tell you.
Person #1: I think the man in that house over there used to have Olive Trees in his front yard.
Person #2: I don't know what to tell you.
Person #1: My son (who must be 80 himself)is interested in purchasing an Olive Tree, and I told him there were some on this street.
Person #2: I don't know what to tell you.
Person #1: I haven't been down this road in many years, and I would swear there used to be Olive Trees in that man's yard.
Person #2: Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. I gotta go.
Person #1: Wait, maybe the house was over there...

Don't forget, this woman left her house, and got behind the wheel of a deadly killing machine, which she could barely see out of, to go find Olive Trees, which were likely ripped out 50 years ago.

Stupid Story 04-21-05

-=SNAP=-
Person #1: Hey, That worked.

Stupid Story 04-21-05

Person #1: It doesn't fit.
Person #2: What doesn't fit?
Person #1: The thing.
Person #2: What thing?
Person #1: The thing that doesn't fit....... When you come up, bring one of those point thingies.
Person #2: What in the world are you talking about?
Person #1: Nevermind... I got it...

Open Invitation

If you would like to post your own topics on this site, I can easily add you. This would allow you to start your own top level stories. This would help me out tremendously, because then I would not be the only complainer.

If you would like to be added, simply send me an email so that I can get your email address. I will add that to the system, and you will then get a confirmation notice letting you know you may post your own topics.

History of This Site

Ok, so someone just pointed out that I mention nothing about computer errors, and I just bitch about random stuff. Well, he has a good point, so I thought I would let you in on the history of this site:

As an IT guy, my buddy and I would spend all day pissing about the morons that we worked with. You know, things like:

Person #1: My computer locked, so I rebooted it, only now all my email is gone.
Person #2: After looking over the situation, I determined that Outlook had, in fact, self destructed, and all email was lost in a corrupted .pst file.
Person #1: Well, you can get it all back for me right?
Person #2: Nope, it's gone.
Person #1: But, you make nightly backups for everyone, don't you?
Person #2: Correction, I make nightly backups for everyone except you, who specifically said that I was invading your personal space, to which I replied "fine, but if anything every happens, I don't want to hear about it". So now, it's your problem, not mine.

That happened about week prior to the concept of Pebkac404 website. The 404 is the generic "Page Not Found" error. This was in reference to the total moron that we worked with who could not find her way out of a paperbag, and who was mentioned on here more than once.

Anyway, we would spend our time complaining about the stupidity we had to deal with. He wanted to make a football jersey with the Name of pebkac, and the number of 404. I wanted to make a daily comic, but can't be bothered to draw it out every day. After deciding a Blog would work best, I registered the name for $7.95 at Go Daddy, it's hosted for free through google, and here we now are.

The problem was, shortly after setting up the website, I left my job. So, now I no longer have to deal with dumb questions on a daily basis like:

Person #1: I turned on my computer, but nothing is happening.
Person #2: Did you turn on your monitor too?
Person #1: I never turn it off, so i shouldn't.... nevermind.

But, just give it a some time. I am sure to get back to work and we can all enjoy stuff like that again. If you want, you can send money to my paypal account. That seemed to work for OddTodd.com

Stupid Story 04-1-05

I saw these 2 kids on a motorscooter trying to outrun a police car while doing about 35mph. It was pretty darn funny.

Stupid Story 04-16-05

I go into one of the Self Checkout lines, despite the fact that I know they suck. Anyway, after waiting for the people in front of me to finally finish, I walk up, and the things says "Remove Items - Thank You" and it doesn't change for a new user. I start getting all pissy and start screaming over the crowd for the lonely clerk to come help (who was chit-chatting with someone else, by the way). She looks at it, and says it's stuck, I will have to wait a few minutes. WTF?!? It never changes, all the lines are full because too many people are checking out at once, and she is still chit-chatting with someone. 5 minute story cut short, it eventually started working again, I eventually got out of there, and she eventually stopped talking to her boyfriend. I hate Walmart, almost as much as Best Buy, but not quite.

Stupid Story 04-15-05

If you go to one of those places to have your oil changed, and then have your tires rotated, why is it that they flip the tires but never realign them? All you end up doing is making your car pull in different directions. Why in the world do they sell a service that makes your car worse?

Stupid Story 04-14-05

Person #1: I am conducting a survey from Comcast Cable and I was wondering if you would want to answer some questions.
Person #2: If I answer, will I get free cable?
Person #1: No sir.
Person #2: Will I get a discount off my next bill?
Person #1: Er.. no sir.
Person #2: Then why in the world would I want to?

Stupid Story 04-14-05

My internet connection has been barely working for the past two days. I would have called to complain, but you know full well they would have blamed my system and made me reboot. After 20 minutes, maybe I would make my way up to Tech Level 2 or some such nonsence... of course, that would just reroute me to India...

Stupid Story 04-12-05

In the past year, I have delt with, let's say, about 10 different Real Estate people. Why is it that only *one* of them was able to follow through with his job on a regular basis? I mean, here I am, holding money in my hand, and these people can't be bothered to call me back. Are they really in that much demand that they cannot call someone back for days on end?

Stupid Story 04-11-05

Once again, true story:

Person #1: Kids in school today have to take another test that is like the SAT's.
Person #2: You mean the PSAT's?
Person #1: No, I think it's called the PEBKAC or something like that.

Stupid Story 04-11-05

Person #1: What does TNT Stand for?
Person #2: Turner Classic Movies.
Person #1: What the hell are you talking about?

Stupid Story 04-11-05

Person #1: Well, I certainly don't know which way to go, I was just following you.
Person #2: Hey, I was just following the dog.
Person #1: Great, it's not like he was one of those Humming Dogs.
Person #2: Ugh... do you mean Homming Dog?
Person #1: Yeah, that's what I ment.
Person #2: What the hell is a Homming Dog?
Person #1: Ah crap... this is going on that damn website isn't it?
Person #2: I am a afraid so...

Reader Submission 04-09-05

Person #1: What kind of a dog is a Chinchilla?
Person #2: Your an idiot.

Stupid Story 04-08-05

I had to buy gas for my car... I feel like I was just date raped. WTF?!?

Stupid Story 04-08-05

I saw this sweet job in the paper so I applied for it. Today, I get a postcard in the mail with a second postcard attached. The first card said that they were an equal opportunity and non-discrimitory employer. I was supposed to fill out the second postcard and mail it back. The questions asked me my age, gender, and race. It also asked if I was handicapped and what my last known gang affiliation was... my point is, if they say they don't care who I am, then why bother asking all these inane questions in the first place? I feel so violated.

Slow Day 04-06-05

Strangely enough, nobody pissed me off yesterday. Well, not directly. I was amused, however, how the Home Depot guy told me I could do exactly what the Lowes guy told me NOT to do, just the day before.

Stupid Story 04-05-05

Person #1: Thank You for calling, what can I help you with?
Person #2: I am calling about (insert item here).
Person #1: If you look on our website, you will find lots of information.
Person #2: Yeah, that's the problem, there is too much information on there. I don't know which part I actually need, so I called to get specific information.
Person #1: Well, I don't know about that product.
Person #2: What do you mean you don't know about that product? It's your ONLY product.
Person #1: Actually sir, we have several excellent product lines. Perhaps I could assist you with one of those?

-=Blank stare=-

Person #2: Your kidding me, right?

Stupid Story 04-05-05

While walking through a random parking lot:

Person #1: Well, hello there stranger!
Person #2: Oh, Hi, how are you?
Person #1: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
Person #2: Uh-Huh...
Person #1: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
Person #2: Right, I remember...
Person #1: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
(5 Minutes Later)
Person #1: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

Stupid Story 04-04-05

Your at the register, and you hand them a twenty. They complete the sale and inevitably hand you the receipt, the dollars, and then the change on top. So, now you have this long, and wide receipt stopping you from getting a good grip on the change that is on the top, which will likely slide off and fall on the floor unless you crumple the whole thing up into a ball and just shove it in your pocket.

Whose idea was this anyway? There should be a law that states you must give the customer the change first to be placed into the palm, then the receipt folded in half coupled with the dollars and placed between the customers fingers.

Call me crazy, but this stunt pisses me off all the time.

Stupid Story 04-03-05

She walks into the camera room, and sets up the display. She turns on the soft lights and adjusts everything. She keeps in mind the contrast of the light, and dark shadows. Ah ...just right. She points the camera, pushes the button, and --(dramatic pause)--the flash goes off on the camera. The uploads the picture and takes down the display. Another perfect picture.

Stupid Story 04-03-05

I went to breakfast, and the waitress was SO rude. It was as if we were such an inconvenience on her day. I am sorry, but if your pay is dependent on smiling to everyone, then smile. Ask if they want another cup of coffee. THEN bring the check. Oh yeah... don't argue, that doesn't much help either.

Stupid Story 04-01-05

Person #1: My internet connection is down, and outlook doesn't work.
Person #2: Did you reboot?
Person #1: No, I didn't think of it.
Person #2: Rule #1-Don't call the IT guy until you try rebooting first.
(Two Minutes Later)
Person #1: It's still not working.
Person #2: Did you kick out your cable from the back, check that.
Person #1: I checked that before I called you. I did'nt want to look foolish.
(I go over, look on the computer)
Person #2: It says network connection not found... the cable is unplugged.
Person #1: Ah crap.

Stupid Story 03-31-05

When I called customer service, and the guy told me his name, by his reputation I knew I was going to have a pebkac entry. This guy is such an idiot, every time.

Person #1: The file is located in Documents and Settings, then the user's folder.
Person #2: I don't see the file there.
Person #1: It's in Documents and Settings, then the user's folder.
Person #2: And then what folder?
Person #1: It's in Documents and Settings, then the user's folder.
Person #2: Yeah, I am there. Then what folder do I go into?
Person #1: It's in Documents and Settings, then the user's folder.
Person #2: Yes, You told me that. I am there, the file is not. Which folder do I need to go into next?
Person #1: It's in Documents and Settings, then the user's folder.
Person #2: YES. I GOT THAT. Then where is it? In Application Folder, Local Settings, a Temp folder? Give me something.
Person #1: I don't know. Do a search for it.
Person #2: Ugh.... It shows me like 5 copies of the file in there. Which one do I want to delete?
Person #1: It's in Documents and Settings, then the user's folder.
Person #2: I just deleted them all, now it is no longer an issue.... ah crap, now the main program won't even start.
Person #1: That's why I told you, it's in Documents and Settings, then the user's folder.

It simply amazes me how people are actually paid to deliver this type of informed customer service.

Stupid Story 03-31-05

Email Out: We purchased our copier four months ago, and we never received our Z3 Camera despite many promises from various KMBS personnel. If receiving our equipment is a problem, we could skip the next several service payments.

Email Back: It came in two days ago and I was planning to see you early next week.

I had a feeling he might say something like that...

Stupid Story 03-30-05

It was getting later in the day, and I was concerned that I would not have anything new to post about. I should have had more faith in the pebkac community that surrounds me:

I get an email from someone at PcMall trying to solicite some sales. The pebkac came at the end of the email which included a copy of the original email that told this person to go find more sales. The original email ending with the following quote: "Let's Execute Flawlessly!"

Stupid Picture 03-30-05

My dog did this. She is not a particularly smart dog.

Stupid Story 03-29-05

Person #1: Would you speak with this client, they have a question.
Person #2: What's the question?
Person #1: I don't know. If you could just speak with them...
Person #2: No, I won't, not until I know what the question is. Likely, the question is for you, not me.
Person #1: Well, they are on hold, so let me put them on speaker phone.

While the client starts to ask the question...

Person #1: Oh wow, look at the time, I have to go to a meeting.

Person #2 is now left to deal with Person #1's client, asking a question, that has nothing to do with his department.

Stupid Story 03-29-05

The camera gets turned on, all the lighting is setup, and the item is placed on the table. Little more.... ah, just right. All that was left was to push the little silver button on top of the camera. Once this last step was completed, the flash went off, and was followed with "Ow!" Oh yeah, that's right right.... next time don't look directly into the lights.

Stupid Story 03-29-05

My Video Card is like 2 years old, and my system is about a year and a half. Now, given that it continues to run everything I throw at it really fast, why do people still need to buy faster and faster systems? I mean, I read that you can connect 3+ video cards together. For what?!?

Stupid Story 03-28-05

Person #1: Will this bitmapped type look funny in the final printed piece?
Person #2: Nope! The crappier it looks on screen, the better it looks on press.

Stupid Story 03-28-05

I see this 32" - 36" Task Chair online at OfficeMax for $30.00. I call ahead, and they have it in stock. I go down there and it seems to be no larger than 29" if it is lucky.... and it's wobbly no less. Can you say, false advertising?

Reader Submission 03-26-05

(We have stupidly large "Computing Centre " sign over door)
Person1: I need two copies of this house key and one copy of this car key.
Person2: I'm afraid I can't do that.
Person1: Why not??!
Person2: We repair computers in here, miss.

Stupid Story 03-26-05

Several years later, I still get people asking me what their password is. I have dozens of different names and passwords rolling around in my brain, and they can't handle one.

Funny Video 03-25-05

This would make for a great reality show. Truth

Stupid Commentary 03-25-05

If gas prices keep going up, soon, I will have to take a lein on my house, to pay for my gas, that I use to get to work, to pay for the lein on my house. Are the prices in all countries skyrocketing like America?

Stupid Story 03-24-05

The client sends in artwork that wasn't usable. So I told them to send in the original files. A few days later, they send in the same exact thing. I tell them to send in the original files. A few days later, they send in the same exact thing. Now sure, I undertstand where I can be a picky person, but how do I help someone who sends the same exact thing three times?

Reader Submission 03-24-05

Person 1: I need a USB cable for a printer.
Person 2: This is likely to be the one.
Person 1: No, no, thats not the one it has USB both ends.
Person 2: I'm pretty sure this is the cable you will need.
Person 1: ( As if talking to a small child )I dont think you understand me, I need USB both ends.
Person 2: *Finds double ended USB cable*

Person 1 pays and leaves. Then 1 hour later he returns.

Person 1: *Looks sheepish * Uh, i need the other cable please.

Stupid Story 03-23-05

I called tech support for this crappy software package. It went a little something like this:

Person #1: I was emailed this file as a patch. I tried to install it myself, but it isn't working properly, so I called for a walkthru.
Person #2: Sure, what is the name of the file you were sent?
Person #1: xxxx32.dll
Person #2: *sigh*..............*SIGH*
Person #1: That doesn't sound promising, what's wrong?
Person #2: Ugh... well, we gotta change like a bazillion files and it's a pain in the ass.....*SIGH*.... hold on...

So, he comes back, we go through some stuff and end up here:

Person #2: Ah crap..... they sent you the wrong version. I'll have to send you an update on CD first.
Person #1: Ok, fine. I was also sent a file named setup.zip and inside is a file named, appropriately enough, setup.exe
Person #2: Yeah, that's for the setup.

Oh thank goodness you were there for me after 10 minutes on hold. Not only do I get your charming personality, but your deductive skills were extraordinary. If only you worked for my company... if only...

Stupid Picture 03-23-05

In case your wondering, yes, I really took this picture. I don't think this monkey likes stupid humans either. Dance Monkey Dance

Rude People 03-22-05

Once, I had this REALLY sore neck. So, I am sitting at my desk with an Ice Pack on my shoulder and this person walks up to my desk and gives me one of those "kidding" shoves. After I screamed out in agony, I told them I was all messed up and that really hurt alot. The response was "Oh.................I have a question"

I bring this up because I have a camera in my office, and I prefer the bright flourecent lights off. Most people walk in ask if they can turn the lights on. Not this person though, she just walks right in and turns them on, darn near blinding me.

Rude, that's all I am saying. It's a habit with some people.

Stupid People 03-22-05

I hate it when people come into my office asking for help, then they are mean to me. Then they call me up asking for RAM chips or something, then tell me I am slow with support. Man, they haven't even SEEN slow yet.

Stupid Story 03-22-05

As the Blackberry nightmare comes to a close 6+ hours later, Verizon sent us to another company all together. This person fixed us up just fine. I know you will all be able to sleep well now.

Back to the stupid - We asked him if the Blackberry can open attachments, and he said that they could. The stupid part? We have to call Verizon again and specially request it. Apparently, it doesn't open them by default. Nice.

Stupid Picture 03-21-05

This falls under the "What in the world was he thinking this morning?!?" category.

Stupid Story 03-21-05

If you are following the saga, apparently we made it to Level 3 Tech Support on that Blackberry. At this point, I expect God-Like abilities. Perhaps mindreading, levetation or something cool like that.

Stupid Story 03-20-05

We went to the park yesterday with our German Shepherd and we start to walk down the path. Soon after, a car full of roudy kids and a mother came bouncing up the path playing with a new baby puppy the size of a mouse. When they came close enough, my wife hung back and told them to pick up the dog and quietly pass us because our dog will eat their dog and threaten her kids.

At this point, I would like to say that the only thing I hate more than stupid people doing stupid things, is stupid people ignoring common sence when you put hand it to them on a silver platter.

So as they pass us doing the same loud behaviour as before, my dog snarls at their dog (which was no bigger than my dogs nose), the kids, and the woman. As I held onto my dog with all my strength, she was shocked that any such thing could have happened.

Stupid Story 03-19-05

It was just like it came directly out of Monty Python -

Person #1: I was sent this e-mail with a Word document attached to it. When I open it, there isn't any real text, it's just these weird symbols and squares. I think I have a virus.

Person #2: You don't have a virus, it's just a temporary file that Word makes while a document is being edited. Normally it is hidden, but the person must have accidently sent that file instead of the actual document.

Person #1: I've never seen or heard of a temporary file before. I am sure this is a virus that they sent to me.

Person #2: It's not a virus. Look, just have them resend the file, It's just a temporary file they sent by mistake.

Person #1: I know this stuff, it's called a macro virus. You better run a scan on my system.

Person #2: No, it's not a virus. It's just a temp file. Have them resend it, and it will be fine.

Person #1 picks up the phone and calls. With all the confidence in the world says:

Person #1: You sent me the wrong file.... it was just a temp file.... a temporary file.... it's a file that Word makes when you edit a document.... well, when your in sales you have to know this stuff.

Stupid Story Pt. 2 03-18-05

So, to get this silly Blackberry to work, we have been bumped up to tech support Level *2*. What does that MEAN anyway? Level 2...are these people really any more competant than Level 1 workers? Apparently not... 4 hours later and the junk still doesn't work properly. Maybe if they direct our calls over to India....

Oh wait, sorry, the Incompetant Person part... So, we get Level 2 support and he starts the conversation with asking us the same basic questions we already answered for the Level 1 guy today, and the Level 1 girl yesterday. So, after 2 minutes of inane questioning he follows up with "Alright then. I see we have a few pages of notes, so i am going to read that before I help you." Well, thank goodness he chose to read those AFTER he asked us all those questions. I sure am glad that Level 2 support is on the case... with their keen eye for detail and all.