Stupid Story 04-29-05

I walked in this morning, said hello to someone, and spent the next 20 minutes hearing about his life story.

I only have myself to blame.

What does this button do?

How do I make a post on this blog?

Stupid Email 04-27-05

This came in my email today. I just thought it was funny.

If you cannot read the following eMail click or copy the following link to your browser http://www.americancopyservice.com/sw/tasks/ReadEmail.cfm?CAMPAIGNID=103339&ID=1931730805656

Stupid Story 04-27-05

After some 9 hours at my new job:

Person #1: Are you new here?

I was like, what rock were you hidding under for the last 2 days? Didn't you get the memo? I bought the place, now get out.

Stupid Story 04-27-05

PayPal send me several of these emails today:

Paypal: We attempted to transfer from your bank account. This transfer was returned by your bank for the reason below: This bank account has been closed. As a result, this bank account has been removed from your PayPal account.

Well, no shit Sherlock. To make it even funnier, GoDaddy sent me this email:

GoDaddy: We have received notification that Paypal has reversed this transaction. If you prefer, you may complete a 'Send Money' transaction via PayPal to paypal@godaddy.com.

Stupid Story 04-27-05

That guy who screwed up that job yesterday apparently screwed up a second one that had to be reprinted on the press. I feel bad for people who are that dumb. It was also strange spending the day with the guy who I knew is going to be out of a job in a week and a half. Even sadder is that he can see it too, but when he approached the supervisor, he was handed a load of crap about the situation. Gosh I hate corporate mentality and lying to people.

Stupid Story 04-27-05

If only I had my camera this morning... maybe tomorrow. On the way to my new job in the opposite direction from the past 3 years was one of those electronic signs over the highway that said: Delay Next 21 miles Exit 31 to 11.

Certainly, when I reached exit 31, I hit a wall of cars. Ugh. Glad I wasn't going 21 1/2 miles, as I would have expected.

E-mail

The other day, I received the following e-mails from one of my acquaintances:

E-mail 1:
Hey John Doe [name changed to protect myself],
My e-mail isn’t working. Can you tell me how to make it work?

A few minutes later, I receive the following e-mail:

E-mail 2:
Never mind, I fixed it.

Yeah… I think those e-mails speak for themselves.

Microsoft in the Computer Age: Cleaning up the gene pool, one idiot at a time.

FYI

You will be happy to know that I have been rehired... as a manager no less. I have achieved my lifes goal. I have reached.... Middle Management. That's right. Once again I get to hear all about crap I have no interest in. Like how one of my peons is pregnant (funny, I thought she was just fat) and the other peon is being fired because he sucks. The replacement will be hired tomorrow.

While on my tour, it turned out that several people didn't follow a basic procedure (lazy) and it turned out to be a mistake that cost several thousands to reprint the job. I bet the first one to screw it up was that guy getting fired.

Ah.... and so it begins.

Reader Submission 04-26-05

Person 1: Did you know you can call 911 if you need a cab and they will dispatch one out to you?
Person 2: Really?
Person 1: Yeah, haven't you seen the tops of the cabs, they have that light thing that says TAXI CALL 911.
Person #3: Um, i think that's incase they are being robbed or held hostage. They use it to alert people to call 911 for them.
Person 1: No. That doesn't make sense. Why wouldn't they just call themselves.
Person #3: Because they are being held hostage.

Popup

The other day, as I was shutting down Microsoft Word, the following popup appeared:



Leave it to Microsoft to give you the option…

Your mailbox is over its size limit

Today I received an automatic message from my ‘System Administrator’ and it went something like this:
“Your mailbox has exceeded one or more size limits set by your administrator. Your mailbox size is 14613 KB…You must empty the Deleted Items folder after deleting items or the space will not be freed.”

How nice, they even made it stupid-proof (‘you must empty the Deleted Items folder…’), but did the creator of this warning think about the logic of the feature?

Well, let’s see. What is the problem the warning is telling us about? The inbox is full. And in what form do we receive the warning? In the form of a message to our inbox, thus making our inbox even fuller than it was in the first place.

I suppose, though, I should be grateful that Microsoft didn’t decide to include a picture or maybe an attached help document along with the e-mail.

*tsk* *tsk* *tsk* Microsoft…

Stupid Story 04-25-05

An Email to PayPal:
I tried to remove the bad account before, but it didn't let me. Now someone automatically billed me, paypal automatically paid it, and the funds are coming from a bank account with nothing in it. Can You stop withdrawls from *** Bank, and change them to come out of *** bank? Or even just cancel the payment all together?

The Reply:
Hello, my name is Michele, I appreciate the opportunity to help you today.
Thank you for contacting PayPal. We apologize for the delay in responding to your service request. Once all transactions are completed you can set the *** bank as your primary bank. Please read below. To designate a bank account as primary, follow these directions: (Insert Canned Instructions)

My Response:
Given that I closed the account that paypal will be trying to pull funds from, I was trying to let you know, before your access would be denied. Since you chose to ignore my previous request, and rather decided to send me a canned response, this is now your problem, not mine. Since it is apparent that your company will send funds to anyone who asks for it, without my concent, I really don't care if it bounces on you. The thing I am most upset with is, rather than simply fix the problem, you would rather have my bank charge me a $25.00 bounce fee because there are no funds available, like I previously wrote. I made a simple customer request, and it was ignored. I hate incompetancy.

Their Response:
On 04/22/05, I sent you an email regarding your PayPal account. As part of PayPal's commitment to excellence, I want to make sure I met your needs in my response.
Would you please take a minute to answer a few questions to let me know how I did?

My Response:
Hire competant employees who actually read the email and are able to think for themselves. Sure, they cost a buck or two more an hour, but since this person cost us both time and money, I think it would have been worth it.

Stupid Story 04-24-05

Overheard at CompUSA:

Customer: This antena needs a longer cable, would you have one?
Employee: It says it uses an RF cable.... what's that?

Two Minutes Later:

Employee: This is where we keep all our WebCams.... but I don't know anything about them.

As if that wasn't bad enough, the followup question was:

Customer: Which one is better?

Stupid Story 04-22-05

An old lady pulls up in her car. Barely able to see over the steering wheel. She was apparently suffering from some shrinkage over the years.

Person #1: Excuse me, do you live here?
Person #2: Yes, can I help you?
Person #1: Have you seen any Olive Trees?
Person #2: Ugh... no.
Person #1: There used to be Olive Trees on this street.
Person #2: I don't know what to tell you.
Person #1: I think the man in that house over there used to have Olive Trees in his front yard.
Person #2: I don't know what to tell you.
Person #1: My son (who must be 80 himself)is interested in purchasing an Olive Tree, and I told him there were some on this street.
Person #2: I don't know what to tell you.
Person #1: I haven't been down this road in many years, and I would swear there used to be Olive Trees in that man's yard.
Person #2: Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. I gotta go.
Person #1: Wait, maybe the house was over there...

Don't forget, this woman left her house, and got behind the wheel of a deadly killing machine, which she could barely see out of, to go find Olive Trees, which were likely ripped out 50 years ago.

Stupid Story 04-21-05

-=SNAP=-
Person #1: Hey, That worked.

Stupid Story 04-21-05

Person #1: It doesn't fit.
Person #2: What doesn't fit?
Person #1: The thing.
Person #2: What thing?
Person #1: The thing that doesn't fit....... When you come up, bring one of those point thingies.
Person #2: What in the world are you talking about?
Person #1: Nevermind... I got it...

Open Invitation

If you would like to post your own topics on this site, I can easily add you. This would allow you to start your own top level stories. This would help me out tremendously, because then I would not be the only complainer.

If you would like to be added, simply send me an email so that I can get your email address. I will add that to the system, and you will then get a confirmation notice letting you know you may post your own topics.

History of This Site

Ok, so someone just pointed out that I mention nothing about computer errors, and I just bitch about random stuff. Well, he has a good point, so I thought I would let you in on the history of this site:

As an IT guy, my buddy and I would spend all day pissing about the morons that we worked with. You know, things like:

Person #1: My computer locked, so I rebooted it, only now all my email is gone.
Person #2: After looking over the situation, I determined that Outlook had, in fact, self destructed, and all email was lost in a corrupted .pst file.
Person #1: Well, you can get it all back for me right?
Person #2: Nope, it's gone.
Person #1: But, you make nightly backups for everyone, don't you?
Person #2: Correction, I make nightly backups for everyone except you, who specifically said that I was invading your personal space, to which I replied "fine, but if anything every happens, I don't want to hear about it". So now, it's your problem, not mine.

That happened about week prior to the concept of Pebkac404 website. The 404 is the generic "Page Not Found" error. This was in reference to the total moron that we worked with who could not find her way out of a paperbag, and who was mentioned on here more than once.

Anyway, we would spend our time complaining about the stupidity we had to deal with. He wanted to make a football jersey with the Name of pebkac, and the number of 404. I wanted to make a daily comic, but can't be bothered to draw it out every day. After deciding a Blog would work best, I registered the name for $7.95 at Go Daddy, it's hosted for free through google, and here we now are.

The problem was, shortly after setting up the website, I left my job. So, now I no longer have to deal with dumb questions on a daily basis like:

Person #1: I turned on my computer, but nothing is happening.
Person #2: Did you turn on your monitor too?
Person #1: I never turn it off, so i shouldn't.... nevermind.

But, just give it a some time. I am sure to get back to work and we can all enjoy stuff like that again. If you want, you can send money to my paypal account. That seemed to work for OddTodd.com

Stupid Story 04-1-05

I saw these 2 kids on a motorscooter trying to outrun a police car while doing about 35mph. It was pretty darn funny.

Stupid Story 04-16-05

I go into one of the Self Checkout lines, despite the fact that I know they suck. Anyway, after waiting for the people in front of me to finally finish, I walk up, and the things says "Remove Items - Thank You" and it doesn't change for a new user. I start getting all pissy and start screaming over the crowd for the lonely clerk to come help (who was chit-chatting with someone else, by the way). She looks at it, and says it's stuck, I will have to wait a few minutes. WTF?!? It never changes, all the lines are full because too many people are checking out at once, and she is still chit-chatting with someone. 5 minute story cut short, it eventually started working again, I eventually got out of there, and she eventually stopped talking to her boyfriend. I hate Walmart, almost as much as Best Buy, but not quite.

Stupid Story 04-15-05

If you go to one of those places to have your oil changed, and then have your tires rotated, why is it that they flip the tires but never realign them? All you end up doing is making your car pull in different directions. Why in the world do they sell a service that makes your car worse?

Stupid Story 04-14-05

Person #1: I am conducting a survey from Comcast Cable and I was wondering if you would want to answer some questions.
Person #2: If I answer, will I get free cable?
Person #1: No sir.
Person #2: Will I get a discount off my next bill?
Person #1: Er.. no sir.
Person #2: Then why in the world would I want to?

Stupid Story 04-14-05

My internet connection has been barely working for the past two days. I would have called to complain, but you know full well they would have blamed my system and made me reboot. After 20 minutes, maybe I would make my way up to Tech Level 2 or some such nonsence... of course, that would just reroute me to India...

Stupid Story 04-12-05

In the past year, I have delt with, let's say, about 10 different Real Estate people. Why is it that only *one* of them was able to follow through with his job on a regular basis? I mean, here I am, holding money in my hand, and these people can't be bothered to call me back. Are they really in that much demand that they cannot call someone back for days on end?

Stupid Story 04-11-05

Once again, true story:

Person #1: Kids in school today have to take another test that is like the SAT's.
Person #2: You mean the PSAT's?
Person #1: No, I think it's called the PEBKAC or something like that.

Stupid Story 04-11-05

Person #1: What does TNT Stand for?
Person #2: Turner Classic Movies.
Person #1: What the hell are you talking about?

Stupid Story 04-11-05

Person #1: Well, I certainly don't know which way to go, I was just following you.
Person #2: Hey, I was just following the dog.
Person #1: Great, it's not like he was one of those Humming Dogs.
Person #2: Ugh... do you mean Homming Dog?
Person #1: Yeah, that's what I ment.
Person #2: What the hell is a Homming Dog?
Person #1: Ah crap... this is going on that damn website isn't it?
Person #2: I am a afraid so...

Reader Submission 04-09-05

Person #1: What kind of a dog is a Chinchilla?
Person #2: Your an idiot.

Stupid Story 04-08-05

I had to buy gas for my car... I feel like I was just date raped. WTF?!?

Stupid Story 04-08-05

I saw this sweet job in the paper so I applied for it. Today, I get a postcard in the mail with a second postcard attached. The first card said that they were an equal opportunity and non-discrimitory employer. I was supposed to fill out the second postcard and mail it back. The questions asked me my age, gender, and race. It also asked if I was handicapped and what my last known gang affiliation was... my point is, if they say they don't care who I am, then why bother asking all these inane questions in the first place? I feel so violated.

Slow Day 04-06-05

Strangely enough, nobody pissed me off yesterday. Well, not directly. I was amused, however, how the Home Depot guy told me I could do exactly what the Lowes guy told me NOT to do, just the day before.

Stupid Story 04-05-05

Person #1: Thank You for calling, what can I help you with?
Person #2: I am calling about (insert item here).
Person #1: If you look on our website, you will find lots of information.
Person #2: Yeah, that's the problem, there is too much information on there. I don't know which part I actually need, so I called to get specific information.
Person #1: Well, I don't know about that product.
Person #2: What do you mean you don't know about that product? It's your ONLY product.
Person #1: Actually sir, we have several excellent product lines. Perhaps I could assist you with one of those?

-=Blank stare=-

Person #2: Your kidding me, right?

Stupid Story 04-05-05

While walking through a random parking lot:

Person #1: Well, hello there stranger!
Person #2: Oh, Hi, how are you?
Person #1: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
Person #2: Uh-Huh...
Person #1: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
Person #2: Right, I remember...
Person #1: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
(5 Minutes Later)
Person #1: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

Stupid Story 04-04-05

Your at the register, and you hand them a twenty. They complete the sale and inevitably hand you the receipt, the dollars, and then the change on top. So, now you have this long, and wide receipt stopping you from getting a good grip on the change that is on the top, which will likely slide off and fall on the floor unless you crumple the whole thing up into a ball and just shove it in your pocket.

Whose idea was this anyway? There should be a law that states you must give the customer the change first to be placed into the palm, then the receipt folded in half coupled with the dollars and placed between the customers fingers.

Call me crazy, but this stunt pisses me off all the time.

Stupid Story 04-03-05

She walks into the camera room, and sets up the display. She turns on the soft lights and adjusts everything. She keeps in mind the contrast of the light, and dark shadows. Ah ...just right. She points the camera, pushes the button, and --(dramatic pause)--the flash goes off on the camera. The uploads the picture and takes down the display. Another perfect picture.

Stupid Story 04-03-05

I went to breakfast, and the waitress was SO rude. It was as if we were such an inconvenience on her day. I am sorry, but if your pay is dependent on smiling to everyone, then smile. Ask if they want another cup of coffee. THEN bring the check. Oh yeah... don't argue, that doesn't much help either.

Stupid Story 04-01-05

Person #1: My internet connection is down, and outlook doesn't work.
Person #2: Did you reboot?
Person #1: No, I didn't think of it.
Person #2: Rule #1-Don't call the IT guy until you try rebooting first.
(Two Minutes Later)
Person #1: It's still not working.
Person #2: Did you kick out your cable from the back, check that.
Person #1: I checked that before I called you. I did'nt want to look foolish.
(I go over, look on the computer)
Person #2: It says network connection not found... the cable is unplugged.
Person #1: Ah crap.